It has been just over 1 year and it has been just over 1 week. I feel like I should write a few things.
Just over twelve months ago I was sitting in an unknown house, unable to understand what was happening around me, with no water, power or proper food. It was an experience I can’t begin to explain to anyone who wasn’t there. I had survived an 8.8 earthquake. Around me was abundant destruction. Soon I would travel to my uncle’s house and see funerals along the way. Amongst the broken houses, people were gathering in fields and gardens mourning the loss of loved ones. It was a surreal experience.
The Iglesia Providencia. Post quake 2010.
I remember when I arrived in Austin, lying in the bed of Bang Bang Eche’s hotel room. I said I still felt the earth moving on a regular basis. It was bizarre. My brain knew it wasn’t, but at the same time it told me that it was. Aftershocks were still happening in my mind.
This continued with regularity until about a month after I arrived in London. Finally they have stopped happening often. It still happens from time to time. I just have to reassure myself it isn’t another quake.
My summer break in Christchurch was unnerving. Christchurch experienced a few small jolts including a rather large one on Boxing day. I returned to Melbourne, glad to escape the shake, but confident also that Christchurch could rebuild from what had happened in September.
However last week that changed. Its hard to handle this. I don’t know what to say on a public forum like blogging really is.
Anyway, those who have known me my whole life, know how deeply rooted my family is in the Christchurch television industry. My father was with TVNZ for over 30 years and spent the better part of nearly 10 years with CTV.
I had my first real part time job at CTV. I’d done a bit of work here and there for CTV, and TVNZ over the years. At the age of 15 I worked on Saturdays and Sundays working on a show called Sport South. My first ever memory of Sport South, and meeting two very special people was on the Hagley netball courts on a cold Saturday morning. I didn’t know it then, but the two people I met that day I would see every weekend for nearly 4 years. Along with other people who worked there, they became part of my family. This included the producers, editors, the accountant, the hosts, and most of all the crew in MCR.
So when the news of the earthquake came last Tuesday, I thought mostly of people I had seen recently. My fellow ex-council colleagues, my ex-flatmates- who are also some of my best friends in the city, my friends and their parents. It wasn’t until I logged into twitter I saw the news. My heart sunk then, and has been at its lowest since.
CTV, in its home, a building in which I never worked, but visited a few times, on Madras St- a street where I lived, had collapsed in the 6.2 magnitude quake.
Inside as far as I know, may be 3 people from those days. They are still unaccounted for. I’ve talked daily with fellow ex-colleagues, with the children, mothers and partners of the missing. It is little comfort knowing they may be there. As much as miracles happen and keeping hope is all I have. Its bloody hard.
The city I loved is not what it once was. It never will be again. I haven’t spent much time thinking about praying since I left convent school. Maybe now its time to start again? It can be hard to know what to think, or feel.
So far the lack of news has been all I have to keep sanity. Little pills to calm me down only do so much. The quake is hard, especially on those who were there, who have seen the damage in person. Rob- who survived the quake said seeing the buildings up close post collapse is something that pictures cannot truly convey.
I want to be home badly. The home which I have abandoned. I feel the guilt. All of us who aren’t there all feel it.
The collapse of the CTV building has affected me badly over the last week. I’ve cried more than I would like in the arms of old friends. I’m grateful for the hugs I’ve received and the ones who have brought me food and drink to prevent me from starvation as I tend to do in these times. I have baked like tomorrow will never come. Thankfully plenty of people have eaten it.
As much as I am suffering from my emotion, my heart goes out to the families who are part of something that was once my family. Also to my friends, the ones who are homeless or suffering the damage of the quake. Stay strong Christchurch. A brighter future will come. My grandfather said, “Everything has a solution, except death.” In this situation, I hope that these deaths lead to a better solution for the city which has my heart.